Chapter 382: Voyage Home (1)
Ciel’s heart could not settle enough to fall asleep. Although she could see clearly at this moment, she worried about the next time she would wake up. Would she still see as clearly as now? Or would she still see as she once did in the old days? This fear stirred unease in her chest.
Sienna and Kristina knew too well that when overwhelmed by such concerns, sleep was elusive. Forcing oneself to sleep only deepened the torment as thoughts multiplied, so they had helped her fall asleep.
"......" All was quiet in the room.
Beside the magically slumbering Ciel sat Carmen and Dezra. Dezra’s tears were not fully dried on her face, and she tenderly clutched Ciel's hand while sniffling. On the other hand, Carmen fixedly gazed at Ciel’s face while repeatedly clenching and unclenching her fists.
The small mercy was that no scars marred Ciel's face. The only change was in her eyes.
‘…How could this be considered fortunate?’ Carmen thought bitterly while biting hard into her lower lip. ‘If only I had been stronger….’
If she had discerned the Demon King's intentions before she unexpectedly used her Demoneye’s power.... If she hadn't given the Demon King the opportunity…. If she had defeated her first….
Such thoughts haunted Carmen’s mind endlessly.
In the battle against the Demon King, Carmen had shone brilliantly. She had felled the most of the dark elves. When Eugene had been consumed by the Moonlight Sword's frenzy and left the battlefield, it had been Carmen who held the Demon King at bay. Without her, the Demon King would have rampaged unchecked until Eugene's return. Many had already perished, but without Carmen, the casualties would've been far worse.
‘How pathetic.’ Carmen chided herself as she clenched her fists.
She was disgusted by her own endlessly circling thoughts. She knew such reflections were pointless, mere self-justifications for past mistakes. She knew they were simple defense mechanisms and she felt repulsed at how she attempted to justify her own weakness.
‘I was inadequate,’ Carmen finally admitted to herself.
That truth remained unchanged. She believed opportunities existed in the fight against the Demon King. She had seen openings multiple times.
However, she had failed to seize them. Even if an opening had been apparent, Carmen's body hadn't responded as needed. Furthermore, she could not even be sure if the perceived openings had been genuine or if they had been mere lures set by the Demon King. She could not be sure of what she saw in the heat of the battle.
‘In the end, it all comes down to my inadequacy,’ Carmen surmised.
Being hailed as the best warrior of the Lionheart clan or one of its elders — what did those titles mean? She had been powerless against the Demon King, the Lionheart's archenemy. She had indirectly caused her grand-niece and pupil to lose an eye and fared worse than her other grand-nephew, Eugene.
For the first time in her life, a thought struck her, ‘I am weak.’
As if sensing her despair, a hand gently landed on Carmen's trembling hand. She startled. When she looked up, she found Ciel's eyes on her.
"Ci..." Her lips parted involuntarily. But, she could not call out Ciel's name completely.
She saw Ciel’s eyes gazing in her direction. The faded hue of her left iris seemed to inflict a lacerating pain upon Carmen's heart.
"…El…" Carmen's voice trembled as she finally finished calling out Ciel’s name in its entirety. It was barely audible and unlike her usual tone of voice.
Her vision blurred, clouded with emotion. When was the last time tears streamed down her face? She couldn’t even think to wipe them away as the emotions overwhelmed her. Instead, all Carmen could do was tightly clutch onto Ciel’s hand.
"I'm quite alright," Ciel spoke with an uneasy smile. "Why do you weep, Lady Carmen? I'm not shedding tears, am I?"
"…" Carmen couldn’t respond to Ciel’s steady words.
"Hmm…. I might have… acted foolishly…. No, that's not it. I did what was right. Even if I could turn back time, I would act in the same manner. And perhaps, Lady Carmen, you would have done the same, too," continued Ciel.
"…Indeed,” answered Carmen after a slight moment of hesitation.
Carmen could not refute that statement. She had heard about the circumstances that led to Ciel's loss of her left eye. As Ciel surmised, Carmen, too, would have acted identically in that situation. Eugene had been the most important person on the battlefield. Even if hundreds perished, Eugene was the one who couldn't fall.
"…I would have acted the same way," Carmen mumbled in agreement, still firmly holding on to Ciel's hand.
She continued to hold Ciel’s hand for a while longer before pushing herself off the chair. She then wiped the tears that stained her cheeks. Taking a deep breath to steady her trembling heart, she helped the sniffling Dezra to stand.
"But Ciel," Carmen said, looking down at her as she lay on the bed, "To me, you're just as precious and vital as Eugene. If it were you in that situation instead of Eugene, I would have… thrown myself in harm's way for you."
"Had you sacrificed yourself for me, Lady Carmen, I might have… harbored a lifelong resentment toward myself,” responded Ciel.
The depth of Ciel's smile deepened a shade. Carmen turned away with a rueful smirk.
When she opened the door, she caught a glimpse of Eugene standing a few steps away. Sienna and Kristina were nowhere to be seen. Fearing that her voice might crack with emotion, Carmen cleared her throat subtly before speaking.
"Were there any survivors?" she asked.
"Only fourteen dwarves,” responded Eugene.
"Just dwarves?" Carmen asked.
"Yes. No humans,” Eugene confirmed.
A shadow crossed Carmen's face after she heard his response. With a slight nod, she and Dezra passed by Eugene.
"There was no need for them to clear the room," Ciel commented, addressing Eugene as the door shut behind him.
Eugene just stared at Ciel's face without uttering a word.
"Let me be clear," Ciel started. She felt a surge of self-loathing for the emotions and the thoughts she harbored. "I acted that way because I believed it was right."
"….." Eugene continued to remain silent.
"Perhaps… there might have been a cleaner, better method. But as you know, we lacked the luxury of choice at that moment. Somehow, instinctively, my body moved,” Ciel explained.
I saved you. It cost only a left eye, but I could've given my life for you. So, you owe me a debt. I've gone this far for you, so you also have to….
"So, you need not feel guilt or remorse towards me. Yes, I might have shown you... my ugly side…. But, well…. I do not wish to be more wretched than I was then,” Ciel continued hesitantly.
You should acknowledge my efforts for you, for all that I do for you. I won't ask for too much. Just, occasionally, think of me….
"Do you resent me?" Eugene finally asked after exhaling deeply. He settled into a chair beside the bed.
"Do I... resent... you?" Ciel voiced each word as she looked at Eugene in disbelief. "Why would I have a reason to resent you?"
"Had I not been so helpless, like an idiot, you would not have been harmed," Eugene responded with a voice full of self-loathing.
"Stop saying such stupid things, Eugene. If you wish to make assumptions, think of this first: What if I had taken your suggestion and hadn't joined the expedition? Then perhaps I wouldn't have been harmed. And perhaps in my absence, you might have died,” said Ciel.
Ciel chuckled while playfully tapping Eugene's forehead, "Instead of harboring such foolish thoughts, you should thank me. Thank me for saving you."
"I've already thanked you countless times,” said Eugene.
"Yet, hearing gratitude from you always feels refreshing,” Ciel remarked jokingly. She withdrew her finger, grinning. "So, what did you witness beneath the seas?"
"Do you not resent me for that?" Eugene asked once again.
"What nonsensical talk is this now? You thought I would resent you for venturing to the ocean floor without me? By the gods.” Ciel burst into laughter. "How little did you think of me? Do you think I’m a child?"
Ciel understood why Eugene acted the way he did.
Back then, Eugene had been... different. He felt like Eugene, yet at the same time, not. His turbulent eyes had revealed the chaos within.
"It mattered to you,” Ciel finally said.
But now it was different. The true Eugene Lionheart stood before Ciel.
"It was important," Eugene remarked with a bitter smile. "But I realized I'm not more important than you."
Ciel’s expression faltered at that. For a moment, she seemed to search for words before pulling the blanket over herself, partially hiding her face.
It was just a fleeting sentiment. Eugene Lionheart, as Ciel knew him, always spoke impulsively without ever pondering how his words could be misconstrued. He just said whatever came to him.
His candid comments could feel like a sudden blow, jarring and forceful. Such remarks could make anyone's face flush.
"What I saw in the ocean was a relic of my past life," explained Eugene; perhaps he was unaware of Ciel’s thoughts.
"Past... life? But your past life was Sir Hamel,” Ciel said with a confused expression.
"Then maybe... the life before my past life? Anyway, what lay beneath was a relic of Agaroth. As it turns out, I was once Agaroth,” continued Eugene.
His words were once again shockingly forthright. Wasn’t he skipping way too much in between? Ciel blinked her wide eyes while staring at Eugene.
"Agaroth?" she asked. She wasn't sure if she had misheard him.
"Yes," answered Eugene.
"The God of War Agaroth was... you?" she asked once more, double-checking.
"Yes,” said Eugene.
Drawing down the blanket that had covered her face, Ciel sneaked a peek at him, "I am Ciel Lionheart."
"I know,” affirmed Eugene.
"And you…. You are Eugene Lionheart, right?" Ciel asked as if in validation.
"Why ask the obvious?" Eugene questioned.
She huffed, lips pouting as she tossed the blanket away. "Whether you are Sir Hamel or the God of War, to me... it doesn’t matter. If you are Eugene Lionheart, then that's all I need."
"Lionheart..." Eugene sighed deeply while staring into Ciel’s left eye. "Your eye."
"I know that a Demoneye can’t be given to a human,” grumbled Ciel. "I feel... a bit different. Is it because I have the Demoneye? No. It’s not me. It's the blood flowing within me that's unique."
The eerie sword known as the Moonlight Sword wasn't mentioned in the Lionheart records, nor did it exist in history. But when Eugene held that fearsome blade and was lost in a strange void, she had wanted to help him. And when she approached him in that strange void….
—It shouldn't be this way.
—That blade isn’t my legacy.
She had heard a voice, one that chilled her soul and made her blood run cold. No one, neither Eugene nor anyone else, clarified who the voice belonged to, but a single name floated in Ciel's mind.
"The Great Vermouth," she hesitated, "Our... Ancestor, the founder of the Lionhearts... was he not human? Could he possibly have been... a demon?"
"No,” denied Eugene.
His expression hardened. He began to say something more, but he paused, perhaps unsure of his next words. After a long sigh, he said, "I'm not entirely sure. Whether that bastard is a demon or a man."
"Still, calling our Ancestor 'that bastard' seems a bit much," Ciel chuckled, her rigid expression softening a tad. After a pause, she asked, "That voice... you heard it too, right?"
"Yes,” confirmed Eugene.
"So, it was our Ancestor’s voice?" she asked.
"The only one who would say something like ‘that blade isn’t my legacy’ is that bastard,” Eugene said with a stern face.
That blade isn’t my legacy.
The meaning behind Vermouth's words was unclear. Eugene didn’t know what to make of it.
The place Eugene found the Moonlight Sword was in a tomb beneath the desert. The hilt had been floating above the coffin… with the blade shattered into pieces. It couldn’t shine as brilliantly as it did in its prime. However, every time Eugene drew the fragmented Moonlight Sword, its moonlight flashed ominously.
—The Moonlight Sword is dangerous. It’s dangerous in many ways.
—I’m planning on destroying the Moonlight Sword to rid it from this world. But I might fail. This sword isn’t something that can be destroyed just because you want to. If somehow... I could wield it and leave it as a legacy for you, and if you, Hamel, still yearn for the Moonlight Sword.
In the Dark Room, Vermouth warned of the Moonlight Sword's dangers. Yet, he also hinted that it might remain as a 'legacy.'
—Even if you get to my tomb, you might not find the Moonlight Sword. But don’t feel too disappointed. If the Moonlight Sword still exists… it means I failed to destroy it. But I’m sure I succeeded in making it controllable for you, so I hope you don’t mock me too much.
Having heard such words, Eugene presumed Vermouth had succeeded.
'Vermouth... had no intention of preserving the Moonlight Sword,’ Eugene realized.
He failed to master it and could not leave it as a legacy for Hamel. Yet, in the desert tomb, the Moonlight Sword persisted.
Originally, when the Moonlight Sword was left there, Vermouth was not of sound mind. He seemed possessed, attacking Sienna under some bewitchment, and then there was the sword….
"..." Eugene wasn’t sure what to make of this.
The Moonlight Sword's rampage. Even Eugene experienced it. It felt as if one's very self was swept away by the moonlight. Had the Demon King of Incarceration not intervened, and had Ciel not restrained him….
‘Does the Moonlight Sword possess a will? Or is it… the Demon King of Destruction?’ Eugene wondered.
The Moonlight Sword was the Sword of Destruction.
But did the Demon King of Destruction even possess a consciousness? Eugene pondered this.
He couldn’t exactly recall the moment when Agaroth perished, but as far as Eugene could tell, the Demon King of Destruction wasn’t a sentient existence like the other Demon Kings.
"About my eyes," began Ciel. "It may be disconcerting, but I do find them captivating."
"Why?" Eugene questioned.
"Wouldn’t it hurt you more if I had to wear a patch or a blindfold instead?” said Ciel.
"Not necessarily. It's more agonizing that your eye became a Demoneye," retorted Eugene.
"Why fret over it? It’s not like I’m using dark power, right?" said Ciel.
"You never know,” Eugene responded.
"No, I do." Ciel stated firmly, "At first, I was startled and didn't quite understand. Now…. I understand it."
There was an authority residing within her eye.
"If the voice we heard was from our Ancestor... then I consider this eye a gift from him,” stated Ciel.
"A gift?" Eugene questioned.
"We've both seen our Ancestor,” explained Ciel.
They saw a man in the desolate void of destruction. The voice had repelled Eugene and Ciel, a voice chilling to the bone and soul. That fleeting experience ignited their blood. Without it, the transformation of her eye into a Demoneye would not have occurred.
"A gift, you say?" Eugene grimaced, murmuring in protest.
Seeing Eugene's pouting lips as he sulked, Ciel chuckled.
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