Chapter 74 - 73
As soon as I got out, I took a deep breath, finally able to breathe properly. It felt suffocating in there, being in the same room as my father.
I headed out of the house and went to my car. I drove home as quickly as I could so I could see Justin again, and when I arrived at the condo, my heart started pounding like crazy as if I committed some kind of crime.
I headed to our unit and before I could enter the pass code, my finger trembled as I hesitated.
I feel guilty.
I feel guilty for not telling him about anything until now. I can still remember it clearly when I told him that we should tell each other about our problems, but I seem so hypocritical right now. I was the one who said that, yet I'm the one who's turning against my own words.
I sighed and squeezed my eyes shut.
I should just go in.
I entered the pass code and as soon as I opened the door, I was shocked to see that the lights were still on.
When I saw Justin sitting on the sofa as if he was waiting for me, my heart ached.
It pained me just thinking that he waited for me for hours just because I didn't contact him at all.
I wanted to punch myself badly as I looked at him turning his head towards me. As I walked closer to him, he stood up.
"Why are you home so late? I called and texted you but you never answered any of them," he said as I walked towards me.
He really did call and text me earlier.
I felt a stinging sensation in my heart again.
I couldn't look at his face, let alone stare at his eyes.
"I'm sorry, darling. Let's talk about this later, hmm? I'm really tired right now," I said as I took my coat off and threw it on the sofa.
My mind says to explain everything to him, but my mouth does otherwise. This makes me feel like a total idiot for avoiding talking to him right now.
"Did you smoke?" He asked. I swallowed hard at his question. I quit smoking before I met him, so he didn't know that I used to smoke. Will he get upset about this? Even if he does... he probably won't be as upset as he is when he waited for me without contacting him at all.
"Yes, I did. I'm gonna go to bed now," I said as I walked to our room, avoiding him once again.
"What about dinner?" Justin asked.
I'm terrible. I'm a very terrible person.
"I already ate," I said as I opened the door. I went in right away to avoid lengthening our conversation and said, "Gonna sleep now. Good night."
I closed the door and leaned my back against the door.
Fuck.
My chest hurts so much.
I covered my face with my palms, and the moment that they made contact with each other, I felt something warm and wet on my palms.
I moved my palms away from my face and stared at them for a while and realized something.
Am I... crying?
Damn it, I am.
I lowered my head and covered my face again. My chest felt like it was getting squeezed tightly. I couldn't even picture Justin's facial expression earlier because I wasn't able to look at his face.
I don't know what to do...
This is the first time I've been like this and I really don't know what to do.
I bit my lower lip to stop myself from sobbing and immediately ran to the bathroom when I realized that I might start sobbing even if I'm already biting my lip.
I washed my face to cool my head while still crying, and I eventually stopped after a few splashes.
This isn't like me at all. This isn't... like me.
I'm someone who's able to control my own emotions. It's always been a rational person who wouldn't let my emotions control me. But... why am I suddenly becoming like this?
I wiped my face and brushed my teeth afterwards. I went out of the bathroom and saw that Justin still hasn't gone in. I took my clothes off and hopped on the bed after.
I laid in bed as I waited for him to enter the room and sleep next to me, but I didn't realize that I've already fallen asleep.
JUSTIN'S POINT VIEW:
Tristan started to come home late after last time. He said it was something to do with work, but I found it strange. I knew he still uses the condo as his workplace, so I can't seem to understand why he has to stay outside for so long.
I'm currently at a popular cafe with Daryl. He said he's been wanting to go here for quite a while already, so we both came here together after our classes ended.
"What's going on between you and Tristan? You have this gloomy atmosphere around you every single day," Daryl said and took a sip from his juice.
I hesitated whether I should tell him or not. I haven't told Daryl about anything until now. Nothing about my pregnancy. Nothing about Tristan.
"It's just that we haven't been spending much time together. He's pretty busy lately," I said as I smiled a little. He stared at me for a while, as if he's doubting what I just said. He sighed and said, "Okay."
It seemed like he sensed that I didn't want to talk about it and decided to just let me be for now to be considerate.
"If you want someone to talk to about anything... anything at all, you can always come to me. You know that, right?" He said as he gave me a gentle smile. His amber eyes were staring into mine as if communicating through them, telling me that he will always be there for me.
I nodded. "I know," I said as I smiled at him.
Daryl has always been there for me since we became friends. It's kind of painful for me to not tell him anything that has been going on in my life as of late since he's always known everything about me before, but this time... this is something that I shouldn't talk to anyone about.
I feel like if I told someone about this, they'd arrive at a conclusion that I should openly confront Tristan about this or just breakup with him. I can't do that. I don't know what kind of hardships Tristan is experiencing right now. I don't know anything, which only makes me think that I should try to understand him longer until he finally opens up to me... until he finally feels comfortable in talking about his worries.
"Is he not gonna pick you up again today?" Daryl asked. I paused for a while, thinking about what I should reply to that.
After the night he came home late, he hasn't been fetching me from the university. Of course, I just let him do as he pleases. He's not obliged to do that every single day and more importantly, he's not my personal driver.
"Yes, I guess..." I answered and lowered my eyes to the empty glass of juice in front of me.
I can't look Daryl in the eyes right now. I know that if I do, I might tell him everything that's happening right now. Also... if I do tell him about it, he might get affected, too.
He, himself, is still healing right now. He's still healing from his breakup with Andre, and he's been trying to forget the trauma that he had from what Andre did to him before. He's also been seeing a doctor since December for his therapy because of that time.
He's not entirely in a great condition right now, so I don't want to make him feel worse as he is already.
It's not like things won't get better sooner or later, so I'll just swallow everything and handle this by myself for now.
"Your birthday is coming up, Jus. Wanna hang out?" He changed the topic as he beamed at me.
My birthday...
I'm planning on telling Tristan about my pregnancy on my birthday.
"Oh, I don't think I can hang out after class. Let's eat lunch together instead," I smiled at him. "Okie-dokie!" He replied and sipped on his juice again.
I giggled at his response. "Okie-dokie? You've never used that term before. Did you get that from Lucas?" I said as I chuckled. "Ugh, damn it. Yes. That guy is like some kind of contagious disease. It's like the longer I hang out with him, the more stupid and weirder I become," Daryl said as he frowned.
I laughed at what he said. "Ah, yes, yes. I totally understand that," I said as I tried to stop myself from laughing harder.
I looked at his face and saw that he was looking somewhere else. "Dar, what are you looking at?" I asked as I turned to see what it was. Before I could see what he was looking at, he cupped my cheeks and moved my head so I could face him.
"I saw a UFO," he said as he chuckled.
"UFO my ass," I said as I removed his hands from my face. "What were you looking at?" I said as I quickly turned my head to the direction where he was eyeing earlier.
As soon as I saw what it was, my heart dropped.
Tristan... What is he doing here with someone else?
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