Chapter 78 - 77
"Mom, I did well in class again today! My teacher told me I have a talent in painting," Tristan happily said as he ran to his mother. "You don't have to tell me such things that have no importance, Tristan. Don't bother me anymore and leave already," she said as she turned her back against the child.
"Mommy, I'm home!" Tristan's little brother, Troy, yelled from the front door and ran to his mother. Their mother's emotionless face suddenly brightened upon seeing her second child arrive home. "My baby's home! How was school?" She said as she walked towards Troy who was running to her. He threw his arms around his mother and giggled.
Despite feeling somehow upset as he watched them embrace each other, he kept himself composed and tried not to show his emotions on his face. He suddenly remembered what Mima told him last time.
'If I remember clearly, Mima told me I'd be a good boy if I tell people about what I feel,' he thought to himself as his face brightened a bit. 'Does this mean Mom will be happy if I told her?' Tristan thought as he swallowed hard, feeling somehow nervous about telling his mom about what he feels.
"M...Mom," he called her as he took a small step towards her.
His mother's face that looked a lot like his suddenly darkened when she laid her eyes on the child once again. "I told you to leave, didn't I? Why are you still here, Tristan? Are you really gonna disobey me like this?" She frowned as she glared at him.
For the first time in years, the poor boy finally showed his emotions on his face. His downturned emerald eyes looked sad as he looked at his mother. Pain was evident in his eyes. The inner corners of his eyebrows raised, and the corners of his lips were drawn downwards as he pouted.
His mother flinched at the sight of her first child who looked upset. She thought Tristan would take it all in again and do as she says, so this really came as a shock to her.
"Mom, do you hate me?" Tristan asked as he looked down and fumbled with his fingers.
Awkward silence filled the place until Troy spoke.
"Big brother, why are you sad?" Troy said as he turned his neck to look at his brother. Tristan flinched at his brother's question and thought, 'Ah, I shouldn't have felt jealous with him. He doesn't know about anything. I shouldn't have felt that way...'
Their mother held Troy's shoulders and turned his body to her to get his full attention. "Your big brother isn't sad, honey. Go to Mima and ask her for help to change your clothes, hmm?" she said as she smiled at Troy.
The child stared at his mom for a bit, thinking whether he should stay or do what his mom told him to, and decided to just follow his mother's order.
"Okay!" he said as he smiled and ran to Mima who was on her way down from the stairs. "Don't run, Troy!" their mom said as she watched her son run.
"Mom, you haven't answered my question yet..." Tristan mumbled as he lowered his head again. "What did you say?" his mother said as she frowned again. "Y... You haven't answered my question yet. Mom, do you hate me?" The child asked once again, expecting for an answer this time.
"What kind of nonsense are you saying right now?" She scoffed. "Go and get out from my sight before I get mad at you," she continued and sighed.
"Is it a yes or a no?" Tristan asked as he raised his head to meet his mother's eyes.
His mom remained silent.
"Mom, I'm sad. I don't understand why you don't treat me like how you treat Troy. Did I do something bad? Am I a bad boy?" Tristan said and bit his lower lip as he tried to hold his tears back.
He was surprised when his mom suddenly grabbed his wrists. Her grip on them were so tight, making him wince from the pain.
"M... Mom, it h... hurts..." the little boy said as he pulled his arms from his mother, trying to remove his wrists from his mother's grip. Even though he was already trying his hardest, his attempts were futile.
"It hurts? You think this already hurts? Why are you already complaining about something like this? What about me, then? What about me, huh?" She said, tightening her grip even more as she pushed and pulled the child's wrists to shake his body together with it.
'What's happening? I thought she'd be happy just like Mima? Why does mom look so upset?' Tristan thought as he stared at his mother who looked like she was in misery.
"You turned my life into a living hell! If you never existed, I wouldn't have been in this hellhole in the first place!" She yelled at her child and pushed him to the floor. Tristan landed on his butt, making it hurt in the process.
"If you never existed, I wouldn't have married your father! I wouldn't have to suffer like this!" She yelled as she glared down on him.
"Mom, w... what are you talking about?" Tristan said, confused about what his mother was talking about.
'Did I really do something bad? Is it bad for me to exist?' Tristan thought to himself, finding it hard to understand what his mother was trying to imply.
"Mima told me to tell you about my problems and worries. She said if I do that, I'd be a good boy... Was it a mistake, Mom?" He asked her as he forced himself to smile while his eyes shook in fear as he looked at his mother. He feared that she might get even more upset with what he said and what he might say after.
"Mistake...?" She stared down at him for a while as she tried to understand what the child said.
His mother started laughing when she realized what the little boy told him. "You think people would be happy if you told them your problems? Don't be stupid, child. They won't feel happy. They'd feel burdened instead, so keep it all to yourself so you won't bother anyone," she said with widened eyes and gritting teeth.
Tristan's facial expression turned even sadder. His eyes shook as he looked at his mother, and his lips were trembling as if he wanted to say something but couldn't.
"Th... They'd be burdened?" He whispered as a tear fell from his eye.
'Did mom feel burdened when I told her all those unnecessary things?' he thought as tears kept falling from his eyes, one after another.
"Guess what else is a burden?" His mother smiled. She walked to the child and slowly knelt in front of him. She moved her face close to his ear and whispered, "You."
Tristan felt like his whole world has shattered into shambles. His mother, the person who made him feel the happiest, was also the one who inflicted most pain on him.
"And the answer to your question earlier is yes. I hate you so much that I want to die. I hope you weren't around."
The words that left his mother's mouth kept playing inside his head over and over again. He couldn't seem to accept the fact that his mother truly hated him to the point where she even wanted to die.
His mother stood up and left him on the living room floor, sitting while crying his heart out. His heart shattered into a million pieces because of what his mother said. It was then when he realized that the reason why his efforts never seemed to be recognized by her was because she didn't care about him and that she hated him and wanted nothing to do with him at all.
The boy folded his legs, hugged them, and placed his head on top of his knees as he cried.
'Did I hurt mom that much? Does my existence really bother her a lot?' He thought to himself as he sobbed.
He raised his head and as soon as he did, he saw that there were maids who were watching him cry on the floor. He immediately stood up and ran upstairs to head to his room. He then locked the door and continued crying inside, falling asleep right away after with swollen eyes and aching heart.
The next day, the moment he opened his eyes, the first thing he thought of was his mother. He thought that he had to apologize to her for talking back and for showing an improper behavior yesterday.
He looked at the alarm clock next to his bed and saw that it was already quarter to 7 in the morning. Without even washing his face and brushing his teeth, he ran outside of his room in a hurry and headed to his mother's room to apologize right away.
He knocked on her bedroom door and waited for her to open it. He waited for a few seconds and knocked again but no one still answered.
'Maybe mom isn't awake yet...' he thought.
He tried twisting the doorknob, hoping that it wasn't locked, and what he hoped for truly happened.
"Maybe this is a lucky day for me. Will mom forgive me today?" He whispered to himself while he nervously smiled as he slowly opened the door.
When the door finally opened, he felt his knees turn weak because of what he saw. His stomach turned upside down and his whole body trembled from the sight.
It was his mother.
There was a lot of blood on the floor, and her night gown was soaked in her own blood as if she was bathing in it.
The words his mother told him yesterday replayed on his head once again.
'I hate you so much that I want to die. I hope you weren't around.'
He came to a realization once again that his existence itself was too loathsome that it killed his mother.
'I killed mom... I should have kept my mouth shut yesterday. I shouldn't have listened to what Mima said. I shouldn't have said anything to her yesterday. This is all my fault...' he thought as tears fell from his eyes, recovering from the shock and fully realizing that his mother was dead.
'I shouldn't have existed.'
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