Book 3: Chapter 38: Autonomy
While Sen made sure that they stayed well clear of civilization, he also made sure that they kept moving away from the Temple of Eternity’s Edge. While it seemed less and less likely that Lan Zi Rui was going to chase them down, Sen didn’t feel like making it any easier than necessary if the old man changed his mind. One pleasant surprise during those few weeks was how few spirit beasts attacked them. He wondered if whatever edict that protected them before was still in effect, or if the spirit beasts could just sense that he and Lo Meifeng would relish a chance to vent their anger on something or anything that gave them an excuse. They didn’t talk much. Sen was too used to just not interacting with anyone. He fell back on silence as a default and toyed with ideas about his cultivation. Lo Meifeng seemed consumed with her own thoughts, and Sen didn’t see a need to pry. She was an adult, more of one than he was, so she could share or not share as she saw fit.
The good news was that after a few weeks of steady meals and moving to a new location on a daily basis, Lo Meifeng had put enough weight back on that she no longer looked like she was lounging on the threshold of imminent death. Sen thought she still looked a little thin, but not enough to draw comment or focused attention. It just looked like she might have missed some meals recently. That was common enough that it might even help her blend in with the commoners. At that point, Sen finally brought up the topic of getting her to a place where she could send a message off to whoever it was that she sent messages. Sen assumed those messages didn’t go directly to Master Feng. An idea that Lo Meifeng confirmed.
“I have a,” she snorted, “well, he’s sort of like my minder. Except for the part where he only cares about whether I complete my tasks.”
“You make him sound like a real delight.”
“He’s not really good with human beings, or animals,” she squinted in thought, “or anything that’s alive really. He is good at keeping track of details, though, which makes him ideal for his job. Anyway, I send reports to him, and he gets them to Feng Ming. I don’t know how he does that, but he gets it done. That’s the important part.”
“Fair enough. Where do you need to go to get a message out to him.”
“That road we were on before our little cult adventures leads to Lin Wen’s Redoubt. We’re not too far from there unless you’ve taken us a lot farther than I thought.”
“It’s maybe two days away, for us at least.”
“Then, that’s where we’ll go.”
Sen frowned. “Don’t you think that they’ll have people there watching for us, just in case?”
“Sure, but they’re going to be looking for three people. A mid-stage core cultivator,” she said, pointing at herself. “A late-stage foundation formation cultivator,” she pointed at Sen. “A qi-condensing young woman,” she held her hands out to either side.
Both of them fell silent for a moment at the reminder of Lifen. Sen forced himself to shake it off. There was nothing to be done about it, yet.
“Okay. Your point?” he asked.
“They aren’t going to be looking for a pair of core cultivators. The only people who know you’re a core cultivator now, and who are still alive, are in this forest. It’s not perfect camouflage by any stretch of the imagination, and it won’t last forever. People will figure out that it’s just the two of us after a while. For right now, though, it should be good enough to get into the city, send a message, and get out. Especially if we’re nice and quiet.”
Sen nodded. “I guess that holds up. Do you want to go in by yourself, like last time?”
“Hells no. I want you in sight at all times. If you start hiding out in the wilds again with the strength of a core cultivator at your disposal, I’ll never find you again.”
Sen just nodded absently at that. He’d long since given up on any notion of making her job harder. It had been childish and only designed to aggravate her. With some time to reflect, the stupidity of aggravating the only person he could absolutely rely on to protect him had become patently apparent. Instead, his mind had turned to a different consideration. It was something he’d been thinking about ever since they left Lifen behind. He looked over at Lo Meifeng, who frowned at him.
“What?” she asked. “Don’t tell me you think I’m still too thin to pass as normal.”
“No, it’s not that. I’ve been thinking lately about, damn, what’s that word Uncle Kho used?” Sen bent his mind to remembering. “Autonomy.”
“What about it?”
“I’ve been thinking that I worked pretty hard to give Lifen as much autonomy as I could, in terms of her decisions. It didn’t really work out all that great, but that’s not really the point.”
“I should hope not, or this is going to get very depressing, very fast,” said Lo Meifeng.
Sen shot her a look and then carried on. “The point is that you never got that kind of autonomy. You got stuck with me, which is maybe part of your job, but then you got stuck with trying to keep me alive. I’m pretty sure fighting off demonic cultivators, their lackeys, and facing imprisonment by a cult wasn’t part of the deal. Am I wrong?”
“You aren’t,” said Lo Meifeng in a carefully neutral tone. “Where are you going with this?”
“If you’re going to send a message to your minder and Master Feng anyway, you could always ask them to send someone to replace you. I just think you should get some choice about whether you carry on with this insanity you never asked for.”
Lo Meifeng was quiet for several minutes while she made up things to do around the campsite. Sen supposed she was thinking about what she wanted to do or maybe just what she wanted to say. It wasn’t an empty offer, either. If he said that he wanted them to let her go back to doing whatever she was doing before and send him someone else, he was pretty sure that Master Feng would respect that request. Just as importantly, he thought that Lo Meifeng realized that. After she’d had time to think about it, she came back over to the fire and sat down. She looked at him with a completely neutral expression. It was so neutral that it looked unnatural. Her features expressed nothing when she spoke.
“Is that what you want me to do? Ask them to send a replacement?”
“Not really.”
Something in her posture shifted a little and she seemed, more relaxed to Sen. “Then why bring it up?”
“Because every time I turn around, I’m falling into one kind of life-threatening danger or another. You’ve seen how it is around me. Sure, some improbable good things come my way, but so do improbable bad things. I mean, seriously, what were the odds that I’d kill what was probably the only demonic cultivator in the entire Soaring Skies sect, and he just happened to have a list of other demonic cultivators on his person? Forget killing him. What were the odds that I’d even encounter that person out of all of the people in the Soaring Skies sect?
“What were the odds that I’d lead us straight to the door of a cult in the middle of the wilds? I’d be surprised if the math exists to even calculate that. It’s not all the time. At least, I don’t think it is, but I’m clearly being nudged around by…something. Maybe it’s just karma or fate, but maybe it isn’t. I don’t think that’s going to change. If those kinds of threats are going to be my life, all the time, I don’t think that’s the kind of thing you can order someone to participate in. At least, I couldn’t order someone to do that. So, if you want to get out, I’ll do what I can to make that happen. Don’t get me wrong, I’d sort of miss you. You’re almost like a friend now,” said Sen, grinning at her.
“Wow, I’m almost touched by your consideration,” she said, shooting him a grin of her own.
“Anyway, just think about it,” said Sen. “Let me know what you decide.”
Lo Meifeng shook her head. “Nah. I don’t need to think about it.”
Sen’s heart sank a little at that. If she decided that fast, it almost certainly meant she was going to ask to leave. He couldn’t blame her. He’d want out if he was her. He hadn’t been lying, though. She was more like a friend than a minder at this point. You could only face so much danger and misery together without forming a bond with someone.
“Okay,” said Sen.
“I’ll stick around.”
“I understand that, wait, what? You’re staying?”
“Oh, you are a pain in the ass of mythological proportions. I gave real consideration to smothering the life out of you while you slept in the early days. But do you know what you aren’t?”
“Not really,” said Sen as he imagined her suffocating him with a pillow.
“You are not boring. At all.”
“And that’s a good enough reason to stick around?”
“You’re right that a lot of improbably bad things happen around you. But, as you point out, it’s not all bad. I got to see a divine turtle, Sen. I know you got advice from one, but do you have any idea how rare it is to even see one? With that alone, I became part of a very small, very elite group of people. I got to watch a kid who should be trying to impress some wandering cultivator girl his own age protect a ship that was completely underwater. I got to find out that there’s a creepy cult out in the wilds where nothing at all should be. I saw the biggest and most powerful sect in Emperor’s Bay back down from a foundation formation cultivator. I advanced from the secondhand heavenly qi that you got from an enlightenment. I even got to kill a genuine demonic cultivator or two, which probably washed away about three lifetimes worth of bad karma for me. That’s just this year. Imagine what I’ll have seen and done in another year. Hells, I figure if I can survive hanging around you long enough, there’s a decent chance that you’ll take me along for the ride when you ascend.”
“What about all that ‘you face the heavens alone’ stuff? I can’t take anyone with me when I go,” said Sen, who frowned at the smirk on Lo Meifeng’s face. “Do you know something I don’t know?”
“So, so very many things.”
“I meant about ascending.”
“I might know something you don’t, but I can’t really tell you about it. I can’t even really give you any details about why I can’t tell you about it. I know that’s eating you alive already, but I literally can not tell you.”
Sen’s rising frustration suddenly abated. “Oh, it’s one of those kinds of things.”
“It is. On the upside, if you eventually figure it out on your own, then I can talk to you about it.”
“Good to know. I guess. Well, if you’re sure you want to stick around, I’m not going to try to talk you out of it.”
Lo Meifeng’s smirk evaporated, and her expression got very serious. “I appreciate that you offered more than you can know. Most people wouldn’t have even thought about it. They’d have taken my presence, my protection, me for granted. Autonomy isn’t everything, but it’s always easier to do the hard things when you make a choice to be around for them. Thank you for letting me make the choice.”
“You’re welcome,” said Sen.
There was a pregnant pause before Lo Meifeng said, “This is awkward now, right?”
“Yes. So awkward.”
“Well,” said Lo Meifeng, brightening, “at least it’s not just me suffering.”
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